Communication

Communication is hard, right!? Taking (at minimum) two people and talking through something, then adding in feelings, how it is shared, and all of the other details. It can really add up and turn into a problem. One of the biggest things that I say to my clients when they find that they are struggling to communicate with someone is this: are you listening to listen or are you listening to respond? 

So often, we are waiting for our turn to respond to what was just said or have a rebuttal for something we disagree with. The problem here is that we are so fixated on the one detail that we miss everything else that is being said in that same conversation. So, the question is what is the solution?

The solution is 1) gaining awareness of how your body is responding 2) noticing why you want to respond to or give a rebuttal and 3) listen and don't respond...yet. Practicing this skill will allow you to actually hear the entire conversation and it might create some additional space in the conversation for you to share your feelings but in a less escalated manner. It takes practice, but it can be done. Communication is a complex, layered thing that requires analysis and working to ensure that we are communicating effectively with the people in our lives. If you find yourself struggling to communicate or feel heard in conversations, this is a wonderful topic to bring into the therapy room.